與五歲女兒談婚姻

護家中心 – 安琪

有一天早上小安安向我宣布，“我想我要嫁給小麥克.”

我的第一反應是：“你為什麼要嫁給小麥克？”

“因為他很淘氣。還有，他有一個圓圓的腦袋。”

啊…..我明白了。以前我和五歲的小女兒談天時，她說，她想嫁給一個像爸爸特質脾性的男孩：

第一 ：要調皮好玩的

第二 ：頭面圓圓的（所有圓形的玩偶對她都非常有吸引力）

然後，她繼續問，“你覺得我還可以和誰結婚？”

我大吃一驚，很嚴肅的回答說，“但你知道你只能跟一個人結婚。”

“我知道！”她理直氣壯地回答。顯然，她還在想著這件事。

當小安安仍在思考她未來老公時，我心裡巳浮現出三個給孩子將來考慮結婚時參考的要點（雖然言之過早,還有15到20年吧）。但是,如果我五歲時就知道這個道理 多好!

1.了解自己—-知道你的個性，特別是讓你未來配偶發狂不耐的本色,例如心情不好時,不理人、生悶氣。（嗯,有點像我）或是不愛整潔又經常丟三落四（嗯,絕對不是我）。願意接受對你非常了解的家人和朋友給你的忠告，知道這是為你好。更重要的是,努力自我成長使自己更成熟-身、心、靈健康喜樂。嘗試新的事物，開心地過日子。將上帝賜給你的生命活得圓滿。

2.了解關係—-不要用好萊塢電影或浪漫小說中的情節來當作你對關係的想法和期望。知道一般人生活都是複雜和馬虎的，兩人的複雜和馬虎加在一起，只會更複雜、更混亂。加強你的溝通技巧，特別在聆聽，解決衝突,和妥協方面，因為這些技巧將能幫助你在各種關係中更鞏固和諧！

3.了解你的另一半—-當你看到一個異性（無論在操場上、教室裡，咖啡館，或擁擠的場合裡….），你被他吸引並心動, 別急！最好在不同的場合跟他有相處的時間，好好地去了解這個人。爸爸建議看人要看是否有進取心，可以邀請他來家裡一起從玩遊戲中觀察。最後，也是最重要的，就是詢問神的旨意。並真心聽聽你家人及朋友對他的看法。

那麼… 有一天,當你找到那個你愛和愛慕你的人, 而且準備好與他發展一個親密關係（並承受它帶來一切美麗但又未ト的起浮人生），請你輕輕地把消息告訴你爸爸和我，讓我們可以大聲說—我們的小不點已經長大了！

五歲的小安安,我現在巳開始為你留意小麥克的一舉一動啦！

結語：從以上的母女真實的對話中，看出這位媽媽能夠把握機會，以很自然的方式為女兒提供了婚前和性教育。這是值得鼓勵和發揚的。當您能及早為您的孩子提供正確的性觀念，您的孩子將會成為成熟健康有見識的成人。

Conversations with a 5 year old About Marriage

The other morning C turned to me and announced, “I think I’m going to marry T.”

My immediate reaction was, “Why do you want to marry T?”

“Because he’s silly. And he has a round head.”

Ahh… I see. In previous conversations with my 5 year old munchkin, she had stated that she wants to marry someone like her Baba. Someone with the important characteristics of:

#1 – A silly nature

#2 – A round head (If you haven’t noticed by now, C has an affinity for circular things, heads included.)

She then proceeded to ask, “Who else do you think I can marry?”

With raised eyebrows, I replied, “But you know you can only marry one person.”

“I know!” she answered matter-of-factly.

Obviously, she’s still thinking about the matter.

As C ponders about her future hubby, I thought I’d come up with three points for her (and E) to consider about marriage (some 15-20 years from now of course). These are things I wish I had known when I was 5.

1. Understand yourself. Know what your personality is like, particularly the traits that could drive your future spouse bananas. This includes being passive-aggressive when upset (ahem, maybe me) or messy/forgetful much of the time (ahem, definitely not me). Be willing to accept input from family and friends who know you well and have your best interests at heart, and focus on growing and changing to be the most loving version of yourself. Be happy and whole as an individual, try new things, have fun, and live the life God has given you to the fullest.
2. Understand relationships. Don’t base your ideas and expectations of a relationship off of Hollywood movies or romance books. Know that people are complicated and messy on their own, and mixing two people’s complications and messiness together only equals more complications and messiness. Strengthen your communication skills in the areas of listening, resolving conflict and negotiation because these skills will help you thrive in all kinds of relationships.
3. Understand your significant other. When you do spot someone (on the playground, in a classroom, at the cafe, across a crowded room, etc.), who sparks your interest, get to know the person better. Preferably in different situations and over the course of a long time. Baba recommends observing the person’s competitive spirit, so please invite that person over for a game of Mario Kart sometime. Lastly, but most importantly, ask for God’s, your family’s and friends’ input about the person and listen with both your ears and your heart.

Then … when you think you’re ready for a relationship (with all of its beautiful and adventurous ups and downs) and have found a person whom you adore and adores you back, break the news to Baba and me gently ,so we can accept the fact that our little munchkins won’t stay little forever.

In the meantime, I’ll be keeping an eye on Mr. T.