父親，請原諒我

護家中心 – 舒安

父親，我曾對您懷恨在心，我把人生的一切不如意都怪在您頭上。

您很少關心我，在學習上有什麽困難？受老師重視嗎？有什麽樣的朋友？有沒有被人欺負過？特別是上了初中後，到一個全新的環境，我無法適應，心裡孤單落寞，又不懂得和新的老師、同學相處，但您從來不曾過問。

您在家裡從來不和我說話，一開口就是叫我做事，如果做不好，您就發脾氣。您也不曾關心過母親，家裡有問題，您就責罵母親，常常對她吼叫。

本來家里過得還可以，可是您非得學人家，自己買車作生意，而您又不是做生意的料，最後生意失敗，還欠了許多債。之後，您卻自暴自棄，不努力掙錢，使家裡的經濟變得很困難，所有的重擔都壓在母親的肩上。就在我考入高中需要繳學費時，家裡拿不出錢，因此我不能上重點高中。

還有，您最大的問題就是愛打麻將，常常一整天在外，吃飯時還要到處找您，因此這個家沒有凝聚力，我完全得不到家的溫暖。

在我自己為人夫和人父之後，我才真正明白身為一家之主的您是多麼不容易。後來，我信了主，也上了神學院，聖經教導我們要饒恕，我就學習去饒恕您。仔細回想，您不懂得教導孩子，更不懂得經營婚姻，那是因為從來沒人教過您，您也沒條件學習，都是自己摸索過來的。您受傳統的影響，覺得做丈夫只要掙錢養家就夠了。您也不懂如何管理自己的情緒。由於您是長子，爺爺身體不好，您很年輕就扛起整個家庭的重擔，心裡有很多委屈、痛苦，卻沒有地方傾訴，日子久了，就造成乖僻的性格，而打麻將就是您最好的逃避方法，但又不能節制，最終上了癮。

現在我人在美國，不能在身邊服侍陪伴您們，是我心中最大的愧疚。一但學業完成，我就會回去看您們。母親說現在您的脾氣好多了，對她也好多了，這帶給我很大的安慰。在此我祝福您們身心健康，能享受一個快樂的晚年。我時常為您和母親禱告，相信有一天您們一定會相信耶穌，和我一起領受從耶穌來的平安和喜樂！

Dad, Please Forgive Me                                                         HFRC – Sean

Dad, I blamed you for all unhappy things in my life…..

You didn’t care about me. You never asked if I got along with other people? Did teachers like me? What kind of friends I had in school? Have I ever been bullied? At home, you never engaged in conversations with me and mother. Whenever there was a problem in our family, you would just yell and scold mother. Our financial situation was failing because you followed unwise advice to buy a new car to start your own business. But you did not work hard in it to make money. I was admitted to a good college but was forced to withdraw since we could not afford the tuition. I was very upset at your addiction in the mahjong gamble. Did you know that I felt so lonely growing up and dragged my feet going home?

Only until I studied in seminary where the Bible taught us to forgive; then I tried to forgive you. I now realized that you were instilled with old traditional definition of a husband’s primary responsibility was to make money supporting the whole family, nothing else. There was no teaching to let you learn how to become a loving husband and father. Being the eldest son, you carried a heavy burden for your parents at a young age. When life got tough, you escaped to mahjong for emotional relief and unfortunately got addicted.
Dad, I have forgiven you, now that I experience life in the real world being a husband and a father myself. I pray to God every day to grant you wisdom to receive Jesus so that you will have peace and joy like I do.