家庭關係破裂後的心靈重建

            堅固健康家庭，實現神國宣教                                                           護家中心–周紅

角聲護家中心致力於【家庭關係破裂後的心靈重建】的工作。

過去九年多，我們陪伴了許多心靈破碎的人走過艱辛路。個案有男女老少、單身單親、中年夫妻、甚至祖父母。每人難處雖不同，然而在痛苦人生路中渴望重獲健康者，在自省的過程中逐步走出本以為絕望的人生，拾回盼望，並能以見證祝福他人。可是那些在懼怕中煎熬，長期自憐老舊往事，不肯放下苦毒埋怨，以至身心受損的傷痛者卻無法獲得真正重建，而永遠成為逃避現實者。其後果不但自身無法再過健康正常生活和擁有良好人際關係，更對社區和後代帶來巨大的破壞和傷害。特別是神國的宣教士及教牧領袖們身負神的使命，有時承受壓力超標或屬靈爭戰的重創，若常儆醒自身健康及保持家庭和睦，廣傳福音時方能達到事半功倍之效。

那麽到底是什麽秘訣可以使我們獲得真正的重建呢？

1）自身必須有一顆渴慕且謙卑受教的心 ； 2）不指望改變別人或幫助別人解決他的問題，只專注努力改變自己先健康； 3）必須尋找健康且受過專業訓練的人士陪伴； 4）注意只說正面、有盼望、和祝福的話語，謹記：一句氣話能摧毀家庭關係； 5）當家庭關係出現危機時，不與家人爭鬥，要帶著寬恕恩慈為對方祝福禱告。這就是強而有力、且有果效、真實得勝重建的秘訣。

個人的身、心、靈和家庭關係的健康是神國宣教必不可少的條件。為了使更多渴慕健康的破碎心靈得到真正重建，護家中心除了提供促進健康家庭關係的免費社區教育講座；亦有課堂式的群體醫治，主題有《原生家庭的探討》、《建立健康的人際關係》、《情緒管理》、《自我形象》；及每年一次的《生命重建營會》；和專業的個別協談輔導。透過這些有系統的服務, 能讓學員自我省察，是幫助傷痛者走出陰霾最有效的醫治。

2016年一月至三月，護家中心舉辦了幾項大型活動：46人參加了第十二屆《生命重建營》。另外，8周的系列課程，在午間的《原生家庭的探討》，和晚間的《建立健康的人際關系》，共16 堂課，35人參加。結業時，學員非常興奮地分享：

• 很感恩我終於可以饒恕在過去二十年一直不能原諒的父親！我也找到了困惑自己多年的問題，了解到為什麽與他人相處不融洽的根源。
• 在國內大學從事心理學的老師很高興有機會參加這樣的成長小組。她認同原生家庭課程的內容和護家團隊老師講課的模式，聽到同學分享上課後再度有自信和安全感，倍受鼓舞！
• 一位很年輕的媽媽領悟到「不求改變對方，只願改善自己」的真諦。沒結婚之前，總以為自己是淑女，誰知婚後我竟變成了彪女，一直以為是老公迫出來的。但上了這門課後，我恍然大悟—-與其爭論是誰的錯，不如自己選擇採取正能量的態度去面對！
• 一位中年學員語重心長地嘆道，如果二十年前我參加這個課程，必能有智慧在父母還健在時處理和解決家庭之間的一些矛盾。以前的我想和上一代談心是個奢想，父母不懂子女心思而孩兒也不敢直言。若越早明白原生家庭給我們帶來的影響，我們就越能重視家庭關係，懂得如何對自己的家庭負責。因為我們是我們孩子的原生家庭。
• 另一位年輕女學員說，在上課八周的短時間內，我心內情感巳有巨大的變化，就像是發掘到自己生命的意義。這是我人生的轉折點！

學員積極地把學到實際又益智的觀念立刻應用在日常生活中，巳體驗到人際關係的大幅度改善，給家人兒孫帶來了極大的祝福！為了繼續提升個人精神健康及預防家庭危機，十多位學員即時加入了護家在4月到7月的讀書會小組。意識到只要自身不斷成長，家庭才真是有盼望！

Rebuilding after the breakdown in family relationships

— Strong healthy family as designed in God’s kingdom                          HFRC – Ann Zhou

HFRC is dedicated to help rebuilding family relationship after breakdown.

In the past nine years, we have accompanied many broken hearts, regardless of gender, age, or marital status. Among the most hurt soul, those who seek to be healthy went through painful process but gradually regain hope in life, and in turn become a blessing to others. But those who are too stubborn to let go of their bitter past would always be at lost. They suffer not only their own health in a normal life but possibly become a liability to the community and bad influence to their next generation. When missionaries and pastoral leaders are under tremendous pressure, they might suffer emotional breakdown and unhappy family.

So what is the secret to receive true rebuilding?

1) One must be humble to learn; 2) do not expect to change others but first focus on trying to change oneself; 3) get a trained person to accompany you; 4) speak with positive words of hope and blessing since angry words can destroy family relationships; 5) when family is in crisis, do not just blame, but pray for each other to forgive with grace. These principles are powerful as well as effective for healing and rebuilding.

HFRC promotes healthy family relationships by offering free community family-related seminars, providing interpersonal growth groups with topics such as “Family of Origin”, “Boundaries”, “Emotional Management”, and “Self-esteem.” Also offered is the annual event of “Life Rebuilding Retreat”, and individual lay-counseling. These services are designed to help participants to perform self-assessment in order to restore mind back to a healthy state.

In 2016, HFRC already held a few activities. 46 people attended the 12th “Life Rebuilding Retreat.” In the 8-week courses of “Family of Origin” (noon), and “Building Healthy Relationships” (evening), a total of 16 classes with 35 participated. Some feedbacks below:

• So thankful I can finally forgive my father after two decades! I also discovered my own conflicts.
• A visiting Psychology teacher from China was pleased to participate in this growth group. She remarked highly of the lecture notes and teaching format.
• A young mother understood the theory “Try not to change others but willing to change your own self.” Before the class, she blamed her husband turning her into a wicked person. But now she realized having a positive attitude in life is more important.
• A middle-aged man wished if he could take this class 20 years ago so that he had the wisdom to resolve family conflicts when his parents were still alive.
• Another young female student said that she seemed to have discovered the meaning of life in this class. This is a turning point for her!